Wired for Dating by Stan Tatkin

Author:Stan Tatkin
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: FAM051000 Family & Relationships / Dating
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications

Anchors as Adults

The secure relationships anchors enjoyed as children give them a foundation as adults that allows them to form satisfying relationships in all areas of their lives. Adult anchors tend to do well in their jobs and to be favored in the world because of their social abilities. They get along well with many people and can tolerate differences. In love relationships, they understand they are in a two-person system that must function as truly mutual to succeed. In this sense, they firmly believe that two is better than one.

I call this style anchor because an anchor holds a ship securely in its harbor so it can’t float out to sea. In the same way, partners who are anchors have the ability to connect with each other so both feel held and secure. The point is not that they are confined to a particular harbor, but rather that they are able to find safe harbor with each other. When they do venture forth from that place of safety, they still have their anchors, so they can bring their sense of security with them and also know they can always return to their shared harbor.

Anchors are affectionate, emotionally and physically engaging, and unafraid to be themselves. They are afraid of neither abandonment nor engulfment and can easily shift from being alone to interacting and then to being alone again. They are able to define themselves through declarative statements, such as “I choose you.” They have the wherewithal to broker win-win situations with their partners and others. Anchors’ modesty and humility place them on par with others, rather than below or above. The moral compass of an anchor always points toward mutuality, fairness, justice, and sensitivity. It’s not an act, and it’s not limited to specific people or things.

Above all, anchors are collaborators. Again, they believe two are better than one. When they speak, they always keep the listener in mind, making it easier for that person to follow them. They do not say too little or too much, or become tangential or misleading or confusing in their storytelling.

Does all this mean an anchor is an angel or perfect human being? It does not. Anchors can be just as annoying and irritating as anybody else. They can make a stupid joke or be late to a meeting or not wear enough deodorant or forget to turn out the lights when they leave a room or a thousand other things. But they are resilient and have a wealth of internal resources. Because they feel tethered to at least one other person, they do not go through life as lone wolves afraid to venture into the world and play with others. Their strength and courage stem from their ability to depend on another. Their secure base was created in childhood and is recreated throughout life. It is what launches their capacity for complexity and self-improvement. Although anchors aren’t perfect people, they are free to be themselves, to experiment and explore the unknown, and to tolerate the slings and arrows of life—and of relationships.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.